I have REALLY been stubborn. Trying to handle things on my own. I know what I have to do. But still, I refuse, believing that I can fix myself... that time will do it's own healing. But then again, I know it's not enough. I get frustrated and tired. Stupidly asking why I am not moving on. Why I'm still stuck where I was months ago... All this time, I know the answer.
I have been fighting with God all this years. Thinking that I can handle my life better than Him. Look what it got me. I brought this harm to myself and now my heart is hurting. I feel empty. And as a quick fix, I find joy and love from things that are temporary rather than finding it from the TRUE SOURCE. It runs out easily. I wake up the next day fnding myself sad and lonely again. And the cycle starts again.
Well, enough Jing. No more running. I know it is scary not to have that control and give it to someone else. But I am giving it to God... the all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful God. I am in good hands. Definitely, the journey won't be easy. But to know that He has everything sorted out, that He knows what He is doing, that He is good... are enough for me to trust Him.
Jacob wrestled with God. And "He touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the Man". From that moment, he walked away with a new name, a blessed man.
It's amazing how He can break you and make you fall down on your knees. To make you realize that you can't do it on your own. To remind you that He really has never forsaken you and that He is just waiting for you. All you have to do is surrender.
I am expectant and excited for change... Maybe it won't happen overnight. But now, I am looking forward to what He has in stored for me.
I have been fighting with God all this years. Thinking that I can handle my life better than Him. Look what it got me. I brought this harm to myself and now my heart is hurting. I feel empty. And as a quick fix, I find joy and love from things that are temporary rather than finding it from the TRUE SOURCE. It runs out easily. I wake up the next day fnding myself sad and lonely again. And the cycle starts again.
Well, enough Jing. No more running. I know it is scary not to have that control and give it to someone else. But I am giving it to God... the all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful God. I am in good hands. Definitely, the journey won't be easy. But to know that He has everything sorted out, that He knows what He is doing, that He is good... are enough for me to trust Him.
Jacob wrestled with God. And "He touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the Man". From that moment, he walked away with a new name, a blessed man.
It's amazing how He can break you and make you fall down on your knees. To make you realize that you can't do it on your own. To remind you that He really has never forsaken you and that He is just waiting for you. All you have to do is surrender.
I am expectant and excited for change... Maybe it won't happen overnight. But now, I am looking forward to what He has in stored for me.
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