Day 3: Moving On

It's still not getting easier. I still miss him. I still think of him.

It's HK holiday today, so I have no work. Slept most of the day. Watched some shows on TV. Chatted with friends. And yeah, still kinda stalked him. Does he even think about me?

It sucks that you no longer matter to the person you have loved and cared so much. It sucks when you realize how dispensable you are. It sucks when you no longer have someone to say good morning or goodnight to. When he has been part of your daily habit, and now you're missing a chunk of your life.

I was looking at my Instagram feed awhile ago. I can easily pinpoint which posts I am not okay because of him. It's pretty a lot, I'll say. I remember when I was feeling disappointed or when I was heartbroken because I learned that there's someone else. I remember not talking to him on those days. And then there was me reaching out to him after few days and then we'll be okay again. It was a tiring cycle.

How can I long for someone who has caused me pain? Who has easily taken me for granted and has not valued me? Why can I not hate him? What is wrong with me?

Sorry to the person who is reading this if I'm not making sense at all. Maybe you have something that can help me?

Day 1 and Day 2 of Moving On

I have to blog again. After 2 years of hiatus, I'm back.

I'm one day delayed of starting this x days moving on series but I did feel the need to starting writing my thoughts again because I feel like I'm going crazy.

Yes, I just had my heart broken. Well, it's not really like a one event thing but it was weeks, months, years of heartaches. And just the other day, I have decided to put an end on it by sending him a goodbye email. Honestly, a part of me don't wanna do it because I know there's no turning back. I know him, he's not the type who'll go chasing. Well, I guess in the first place, he never did the chasing. But "breaking-up" with him is something which I need to do.

The first 2 days are hard. I really am missing him. Not to know what he's up to or how was his day is killing me. I'd constantly check if he's online or if he has already replied to my email (which is so unlikely though). I'm endlessly wondering if he thinks of me or even misses me. But who am I kidding? The reality is he doesn't care.

I tried to be busy. Played with my nephew, went out with my parents, chatted with my friends and did some swiping on Tinder. But hell, my mind still wanders. And then you'll have that moment of re-realization of the fact that it's over and your heart will once again hurt so bad.I don't know how long before I'll get through this but I can't wait for this moving on part to be over because this is so freaking hard!